Like most people riddled with Christmas-gorging remorse, my fella and I are on diets. We opted for different plans; my fella choosing Keto, and me, a bread and butter diet I designed myself. After sticking to our respective diets since New Year, my fella has lost 10lbs and I’ve put on 2.
I was back at school this week, and am quietly bricking it that there are only 19 weeks of term and a couple of weeks holiday left before it’s all over. I will be focused solely on my research project until the end, the main part of which is a large painting. I have been preparing for the painting the past few weeks, and am pleased to report that I finally started it this weekend.
It’s an ambitious painting, and there is no guarantee it will work. Currently, I am oscillating between hope that it will work, and freaking out that it won’t. The latter got the better of me this morning, and I bought a huge roll of paper so I can at least do some smaller paintings in case the big painting turns out to be a dud like my bread and butter diet.
To help improve my chances, my fella took me to a local river confluence so I could make an offering to the painting gods (assuming they hang out down there). It is the place that initially inspired my research project, and is one of my favourite places on the Island.
In other news, I am obsessed with hares at the moment. I love learning about them and drawing them…
…and painting them.
I haven’t seen one in the wild yet, even though they live close by, but I did see this handsome fellow in the Manx Museum the other day:
Such is my love of hares, I made a Wisdom Daily video about them last week.
Back in the day, when on holiday, I used to stay in places like this…
But thanks to my fella, I now stay in places like this…
This gorgeous place is the Fife Arms Hotel in Braemar, Scotland. My wonderful fella took me here for a 3 night stay last week, and they were by far the best 3 nights I have spent on the planet. Not only is the hotel an extravaganza of opulence and art, but the surrounding village and countryside are exceptionally beautiful.
Given that my fella and I are common folk, we were worried that the staff at the Fife Arms would think we were scratch-card winners. But that didn’t stop us lapping up the luxury like we were born to it. And, I have to say, I was surprised how quickly we adapted.
Every aspect of the hotel was sumptuous, from the décor, to the furnishings, to the amazing art on the walls, and in some cases, the ceiling.
My favourite place in the Hotel was the drawing room, which was particularly beautiful in the evening, with a roaring fire, divine cocktails, and the sweet sound of people playing board games.
My fella’s favourite place was by the Burns (as in Robbie) fireplace in the reception room. It was a highly coveted possie, and people often circled round to see if it was vacant. My fella managed to hold-fort there a couple of times, much to his satisfaction.
We were really lucky with the weather while we were there, and were able to roam around the village and the countryside…though not before stopping at the boot room to don our wellingtons…I say!!
Braemar is nestled in the Cairngorm mountains, next to the River Clunie, which runs into the River Dee close by. We took a lovely walk by the rivers on our first day, which was really wonderful. I especially loved the confluence between the Dee and the Clunie, given that a river confluence is at the heart of my research project for my masters.
Braemar is also home to the Highland Games. Although they weren’t on while we were there, we were able to visit the grounds where they are held, and partake in the try-outs for next year.
Each of the rooms at the Fife Arms is themed, and we stayed in one of the Poetry and Nature rooms – ours being dedicated to the Scottish poet and writer Nan Shepherd. Nan loved the Cairngorm mountains and wrote many poems about them. She also wrote a prose book about them, called The Living Mountain, for which she is best known. Not only did I buy her book (which is evocative and beautifully written), my fella and I also visited the little house (known locally as a bothy) she used to write in. That day, we had the choice of going to Balmoral Castle (which was nearby), or take a walk in the hills to Nan’s bothy. I am so glad we chose the latter.
Everything about our stay at the Fife Arms was wonderful. Naturally the best part was being with my beautiful fella. A close second was drinking White Russians in the drawing room, then eating dinner in a pleasantly drunken state, like all posh people do.
Yes, that is a Picasso on the far wall.
Everything seemed very dowdy and unspectacular when we got home, and we have been pining for the Highlands (and the Highlife) ever since. To console myself, I have been reading Nan Shepherd’s The Living Mountain book, and even made a video about her for The Wisdom Daily this week. To be honest, as beautiful as the Fife Arms was, I think I would be just as happy holed up with my fella in Nan’s bothy, provided there was a roaring fire, a steady supply of White Russians, and a turn-down service.
Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.
Most of my studio time this week was spent trying to figure out how I want to approach the painting for my research project. The canvas is primed and ready, but before I start I have to figure out how I mean to go on. To do this, I have been staring at the blank canvas, rummaging through the paintings I have done so far on the course, practicing techniques, reading books related to the topic of the painting, researching the life of the central figure of the painting, visiting the locations where the event to be depicted took place, going for long walks to spark my imagination, and taking naps in the hope the sleep fairies give me ideas.
Through all of this, a consistent image has been coming together as to the general layout of the painting. But the particulars and details will only emerge during the process of painting it. Normally when I conceive of a big painting, I have everything mapped out, and more less know where I am going with it, and what it will look like when I am finished. Approaching this painting with so many unknowns, and being willing to let it emerge organically, relying on instinct rather than design, is very scary.
The whole reason I wanted to do this masters course was to be challenged in my practice and gain the courage to attempt a new type of painting, so I only have myself to blame for my current predicament. I suspect once I start the painting, I will love the process. I am going to give myself a few more days of prep work (as above), and will begin the painting when my fella and I return from Scotland.
I didn’t manage to write a post last week, as we had an assessment due which took up my writing time. Also, I’ve been whittling myself to a nub out here at Anam Cara, mostly trawling through online records, researching the subject of a painting I am planning for my final Research Project. It has to do with a well in Ballaragh, and a lady who ended up in it. It’s a fascinating story to research, with lots of avenues to go down. But while it’s thoroughly engrossing, it’s also very time consuming.
The best part of the research, is my fella taking me to the actual places where the events happened. I thought I’d found the well in question a few months back, and when my fella took me to revisit it this past weekend, I was astonished to see the someone is building a house on top of it. However, upon further research this week, it seems I may have been mistaken about its location, so we might have to do some more welling this weekend, which I’m sure will thrill my fella no end.
As well as welling, we had the opening for the Manx Museum exhibition recently. I meant to take lots of photos, but only managed some blurry ones of people standing around, such as this one of my fella holding my handbag, with my painting in the background.
Things have been a bit slow in the studio this past couple of weeks. I am very close to starting the painting for my final research project, in fact, the canvas is prepped and ready to go, I just have a few more test paints to do. I tell myself I am biding my time, but some might call it procrastinating, either way I have been drawing lots of frogs.
Yesterday I submitted my research paper. It feels great to have that part of my MA over and done with. It was a real challenge to write, but I actually enjoyed the process once I gave it my full time and attention, and I am pleased with the result. Rather than waffle on about it, I will leave the title/proposition and abstract (brief summary of the paper) below, as well as a link to the whole paper, for anyone who cares to read it.
Contemplating Martyrs: The Art of Religion-Assisted Dying – an examination of death-acceptance and eudaimonia in extremis through the contemplation of Christian martyrs as depicted in the Ars Moriendi and the work of Bill Viola.
This paper examines the idea that contemplation of Christian martyrs can help alleviate the existential suffering of the conscious dying process, through an analysis of the 5th and 6th wood-cut illustrations of the Ars Moriendi, a 15th century manual on the art of dying, and Bill Viola’s 2014 polyptych video installation Martyrs (Earth, Air, Fire, Water). By analysing these artworks, produced 600 years apart, this paper will show both the consistency and potency of the idea that contemplating Christian martyrs can give consolation to those suffering in extremis, as well as highlight the universal constituents of the conscious dying process, particularly as it relates to existential suffering that remains relevant today.
To achieve the above-mentioned aims, this paper will begin by laying the foundation for the exploration of death-acceptance and eudaimonia in extremis (lit. happiness at the point of death) by introducing the idea of death-denial and its prima facie importance to such an exploration. It will then analyse death-acceptance as an outcome of a death-adjustment pattern, by exploring the work of Dr Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in relationship to the Ars Moriendi. Followed by an exploration of eudaimonia in extremis and its relationship to the Christian tradition of contemplating martyrs. After which, a detailed analysis of the Ars Moriendi will be undertaken, its historical and religious context, the text, an analysis of the short, illustrated version, paying particular attention to the 5th and 6th illustrations, in reference to the focus of this paper, i.e., death-acceptance and eudaimonia in extremis through the contemplation of Christian martyrs. The paper will then analyse Bill Viola’s Martyrs, in reference to the same above, ending with lessons that can be gleaned from such contemplation.
Key words: Martyrs, contemplation; death-acceptance, eudaimonia, in extremis
Ham-cat is still playing hard-to-get. I have tried enticing him with ham and cat-calls but he remains elusive (although my fella’s Pa did see him skulking along the driveway hedge the other day). I am not looking to domesticate him, but it would be nice to be friends. I decided if cold meats and “here kitty kitty” wasn’t going to work, I’d have to bring out the big guns…
It’s been a strange week in the studio. The relief of finishing my research paper and resuming painting, soon turned to frustration. I have a pretty clear of idea of the kind of paintings I want to do for my research project, and even what they will be about, but for some reason I am having trouble realising them. Below are a couple of paintings from this week; although I like them, they are still a long way from what I have in mind.
As well as painting birds (for some unknown reason) I have also been drawing them, along with hands. Hands are notoriously hard to draw, and while I don’t want the hands in my paintings to be perfect/realistic per se, I do want them to be expressive.
I have nearly finished the collage for the Manx Museum exhibition, there are just a couple of finishing touches to do. My fella and his Pa are making a frame for the painting I will also be showing, which is great, as they always make such beautiful frames.
I was utterly miserable at the beginning of last week, having to stop painting so I could re-write my research paper. That is, until I stopped whinging and sat down and started writing. By using my 3 daily sessions (usually reserved for painting) to write, I was able to go at a leisurely pace, and by the end of the first day I was thoroughly enjoying myself. And hey presto, by plodding along every day, I have now finished my paper! It was a fascinating and intellectually delicious experience, and reminded me why I like academic writing so much. Though I better not get too excited, as I am still awaiting feedback. Hopefully it passes muster. If not, there are almost two weeks until the due date, so enough time for any changes that are needed.
In other exciting news, all 2nd year MA students at CSM were invited to submit a print of their artwork for exhibition. For anyone unable to make it to London to submit their print in-person, Jonathan kindly offered to both produce the print and submit it for them. Below is my offering:
It is one of my favourite paintings I produced this summer, and was inspired by a beautiful pool in the Sulby River here on the Isle of Man, that my lovely fella took me to see. It was so mesmerising that as I stood there looking at, I became transfixed and had the sense of melding into the surroundings. For this reason, I called the painting ‘awinenyr’, which is Manx for ‘river watcher’. The colours in the painting were inspired by the colours in the pool, which I think are sublime.
As of last night, I am back painting again, so I am a very happy bunny indeed! Except there has been no sightings of that little rascal, Ham-cat. I think I might have to tempt him out of the hedge with cat-nip.
This past week has been the most stressful of my course so far. It started off ok, but then I had a one to one with my tutor about my research paper, to discuss the draft I had submitted a few weeks ago. In reality she probably gave me some helpful tips, as to how I might bring my offering up to scratch, but what I heard was that it is crap and I need to start again. Since then I have been paralyzed with stress (the paper is due in 3 weeks), which I have sought to remedy by eating my feelings, which is a shame because I had just joined WW again and had lost .4lb (which I initially thought was 4lbs and some paper-writing-stress weight loss miracle). Worse still, I have hit a dead-end with my paintings, and have only scratched out a few drawings.
When I reach a painting dead-end, there’s only one thing for it, I have to stop for a while, so I can then start anew with fresh eyes/ideas. Thankfully, this week proved to be the perfect time to stop, as I have to make a collage for an upcoming exhibition. Collaging is one of the most comforting things in the world, next to jigsawing with my Ma, so while I’ve been all stressed and scoffing, I have been cutting bits of paper and sticking them together, which in and of itself has been an absolute delight.
The collage “Ellan Vannin” (Manx for Isle of Man), is for the Home exhibition at the Manx Museum in November. I made the original collage a few years ago, but before putting it altogether I scanned the individual sections, so I can print and re-cut/construct it at will. This one will be larger than the original, and is printed on thick matte paper, which will hopefully allow me to suspend the finished collage from the ceiling.
I have a new friend, Ham-cat – a feral black cat who lives in the hedge. Only my fella has seen him, but I have been leaving him ham, so I’m sure we’ll be best-buds soon. I am thrilled little Ham-cat has come along, as I’ve always wanted a cat. I am also very grateful, as this summer we saw a few “long-tails” (it’s bad luck to say the R-word on the Isle of Man, and if you hear it said or accidently say it yourself, then you have to pat your head and whistle to avert the bad luck), so hopefully Ham-cat will keep them under control.
I had a good week in the studio, and really enjoyed being back at school without the dreaded covid. I have a dual focus this term, namely, drawing and my research project. Even though my drawing has greatly improved, after focusing on it this summer, I now realise that when it comes to drawing, learning and improvement never ends. For this reason, I have signed up for a series of drawing workshops, joined a drawing club, and booked one on one sessions with a drawing tutor.
I have also kept up my morning drawing discipline, which this week has consisted of filling large pages with a variety of ink and watercolour drawings. I really enjoy this part of my practice, and try and keep it light and fun.
My paintings this week were sea-themed, no doubt influenced by my passionate love of Moby Dick, which I am still listening to on my walks to see the bobbers. I agree with Ray Bradbury’s assessment –
“Shakespeare wrote Moby-Dick, using Melville as a Ouija board.”
I also experimented with colour and detailing, with the hope that when I come to do the paintings for my research project, I’ll know the palette and detailing style I want to use.
On Friday night, my dear friends and I had one of our ladies-nights at our favourite cocktail bar, Fynoderee. We were two-women down from normal, but we still had a wonderful time. As you can see by the photo I took, I was a bit wobbly by the end of the night.
My masters course resumed last week and I spent the majority of it with Covid. Thankfully, the worst of my symptoms had abated the previous week, but I was still self-isolating awaiting a negative test, which finally materialised on Saturday. Covid sucked, especially the night-time delirium and almost constant headache, but I have lived to tell the tale, so I didn’t do too bad.
Once I got over feeling crap, isolating at Anam Cara was actually quite wonderful. I napped indiscriminately, received treat-laden grocery deliveries from my lovely fella, painted loads, and went for long walks to see the bobbers (my collective noun for seals). They are pupping at the moment at the tip of the Point of Ayre. I am very careful not to get too close, but even seeing them all hauled out from a distance is a real joy.
Increasing my bobber-walk-joy tenfold this past week has been listening to Herman Melville’s Moby Dick. What a stunningly magnificent book! I have been listening to it because of a beautiful poem I read by Hart Crane, called Melville’s Tomb. I have been reading quite a bit of Crane’s poetry of late, in relation to one of the paintings I am planning for my research project. Crane’s poetry had a lot of detractors during his lifetime, which broke his heart, but now of course he is hailed as an American great, though his poetry is still considered difficult. Personally, I think its wonderful, and my sojourn into his inner world, and the world of Melville has been moving and deeply inspiring.
I am still at the experimental stage with the painting, and have mostly been focused on the kind of detailing I want to use, as well as figuring out the various elements of the painting, such as the imagery below which is based on a dream he had.
I have ordered what looks to be an excellent biography about about him, which I am hoping will help me narrow down and select the elements of the painting I would like to include. Frustratingly, Amazon lost the first copy I ordered, so I am now waiting for them to resend it. I’ll be writing more about Crane and the painting in the coming weeks. In the meantime, here is a video I made about him for my Wisdom Daily a couple of weeks ago.
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